Diary Of A Performing Arts Mom: You’re Gonna Miss This
Dear Diary, I dropped him off at school. The 8-hour drive home was filled with tears and adjusting has been harder than I imagined it would. I am getting used to not seeing his face every day or hearing him yell “Mom” where’s my…..? I can’t help but be reminded of a country song and its poignant lyrics. You’re Gonna Miss This….
You’re gonna miss this
You’re gonna want this back
You’re gonna wish these days hadn’t gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you’re gonna miss this
Lesson #2: Be Present
The last year has been a blur. Senior year started with a bang, followed by lessons, audition preparation, senior prom, and senior pictures and suddenly before I knew it, he was standing there in a cap and gown.
Summer was filled with fun, friends and dorm room planning. I blinked and was in the car driving my first born to college. How did this all happen so fast?
A good friend of mine used to say to me be careful what you wish for. Much of parenthood centers around wishing….wishing they could sleep through the night, wishing they would use the bathroom on their own, wishing they could walk, talk, go to school, drive….and before you know it, those 18 years have come and gone.
Letting go of your child to follow their own journey is hard. It’s hard because you worry that they will make the right choices, find the right answers on their own and discover what makes them happy. Letting go is difficult for any parent but is a much different experience as a mom. As mothers, we are the center of the chaos that rotates around us. We manage moving parts. Who has practice, rehearsal, a test, opening night? We coordinate, we communicate, and we are in control. That is our purpose, our passion and our greatest gift. Letting go means that you are no longer the sun and your children, the planets. It means that they no longer rotate around you in a chaotic fashion but rather shoot in and out of your life like stars.
This transition and realization has been one of the most difficult times of my life thus far. Your gonna miss this…..I still wish for things. I wish that I had been more present during each of his passing stages instead of wishing it away and waiting for the next one. I have learned to slow down and just be a little. When I feel the strain of my day and my girls bickering in the background, I take a deep breath and remind myself that someday soon, I will want this all back.
I now look forward to speaking with my son on the phone or getting a quick text. I love hearing about his classes, professors and new experiences. I am full of pride and wonder when I see how he is adjusting to this new found independence. This stage of his life will be filled with self-discovery and growth. I still continue to wish for things, but this time I have a new found perspective. I wish for this next 4 years to be years that he will never forget. I wish for him to make lasting long friendships that will always keep him grounded. I wish for him a life filled with joy, love and fulfillment. As for me….I wish to be there to watch him, every step of the way!